The Cost of People-Pleasing (and What It’s Really Stealing From You)

There’s a quiet, persistent habit that so many women carry, especially those who lead, hold space, or support others in any way.

It’s called people-pleasing. And while it may look like kindness on the outside, it often comes at a cost most women don’t even notice, until something in them begins to break down.

Let’s talk about it.

It Doesn’t Start as a Problem

People-pleasing can be sneaky. It’s not something we consciously choose. It starts with wanting to be helpful. Wanting to keep the peace. Wanting to avoid conflict, avoid being misunderstood, avoid feeling like a burden.

Many of us were raised to believe that being “good” meant being agreeable, adaptable, accommodating.

So, we learned to soften our tone. To suppress our needs. To put others’ emotions ahead of our own. And somewhere along the way, we started believing that our value came from how comfortable we could make everyone else feel.

But Over Time, Here’s What It Steals

At first, it just feels like being thoughtful. Then it starts to feel like emotional exhaustion.

You say yes when you mean no. You overcommit. You anticipate everyone else’s needs before your own are even named.

And slowly, people-pleasing begins to steal:

• Your time - You’re constantly behind on your own priorities because you’re handling someone else’s.

• Your clarity - You second-guess yourself because you’re trying to keep everyone else happy.

• Your confidence - You start to lose sight of your own voice.

• Your well-being - Your nervous system stays in alert mode, managing everyone’s reactions but ignoring your own regulation.

• Your truth - Because there’s no room for you when the focus is always “them.”

The Body Keeps Score

I’ve worked with so many women, leaders, mothers, carers, space-holders who show up exhausted and don’t understand why.

They’re sleeping, eating well, doing “all the right things.” But their body is tense. Their digestion is off. Their skin is reactive. Their cycle is irregular. Their energy is low.

Why?

Because constantly suppressing your truth is a form of stress. And your body feels every moment you abandon yourself to keep the peace.

What Happens When You Stop?

Here’s what I’ve learned from my own experience and what I now teach:

When you start honouring your energy over others’ expectations, things begin to shift.

You make fewer apologies. You feel more anchoured. You stop explaining so much. You start trusting your own rhythm.

And yes, it’s uncomfortable at first. Especially if your nervous system is used to being validated through other people’s approval.

But the reward?

Clarity. Confidence. Emotional spaciousness. And a life that actually reflects who you are not just who you’ve been trained to be.

Start Here: One Simple Question

If this resonates, you don’t need to overhaul your life. You just need to start noticing.

So, here’s a question I often give to clients (and ask myself):

“If I stopped trying to manage how others feel, what would I finally have space for?”

Let it sit.

Don’t rush to answer.

Let it rise slowly.

You might be surprised what your body, heart, and soul tell you.

You’re Allowed to Choose Yourself

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish, it’s sacred. It’s the beginning of living in integrity with your true values.

And the world doesn’t need more burnt-out people-pleasers. It needs more women who are rested, real, and rooted in who they are.

You can still be kind. You can still be compassionate. But it’s time to do it without abandoning yourself.

If this speaks to you and you know it’s time to reset how you care for yourself, I invite you to explore the support I offer - from private coaching to Reiki energy sessions, to retreats created for deep reconnection.

It starts with a conversation.

📩 Simply email me at yoursanctuaryspaceinfo@gmail.com and let me know where you’re at. I’ll guide you from there, no pressure, just clarity.